Cobbwebbs

A few sights

of me this past week:

The not so brief update on this week: So this week has been crazy !!! I've been involved in one acts for the past month and a half or so, and been involved in the process of directing one since the beginning of the semester. Two nights ago I was able to be apart of a play called "Bang Bang You're Dead." It was a story written in response to Columbine High School (as best I understand it). It is a story that explores the mind of a high school aged school shooter, and in light of recent events at Virginia Tech, it was very powerful and emotional, as well as the day before the 8 year anniversary of Columbine. After the show some guy was geniunely impressed with the script and the performance. After speaking with him briefly I found out that he is an accomplished actor of 35 years. His first film role he worked with Alfred Hitchcock and other people like Sidney Poitier. If there was anybody who would give an honest response to the show it would have been this guy, if he thought it was bad acting I'm sure he would have been very studious to critique us, however this guy was very geniune and honest and was very encouraging. He said sometimes performers try to do just that, perform or be something, tonight was real theater, you guys were up on stage reacting. He encouraged me to keep pursuing it, but only if I loved it. So it made me ask the question, do I love this? Well the next day the show that Katie and I directed was performing. There were a lot of technical difficulties, but we couldn't have asked for our actors to have done any better, they were great! I wish the show would have run a little smoother, but the script, my partner, and the actors were all a huge blessing from the Lord, and answers to prayer - I couldn't have asked for a better directing experience. Later that night I ran into one of our actors and we were just talking and in the middle of our conversation out of my mouth; in mid conversation, with out thinking came the words, "I love this" In light of that it further led me to examine some cobb webbs that have been in the back of my mind, and it's time to do some cleaning.

This will probably be the hardest letter that I can post. It's an open and honest look at my heart and mind ... it's not going to be easy for me, but please bare with me, for I am going to be more vulnerable than I usually am ... . So for a long time i've wrestled with for a long time. For a long time i've wrestled with the question of what is the best way to spend my time? I've thought about once I've graduated about going over seas and teaching english, staying on campus and discipling peers younger than myself. Both of these would be absolutely amazing, but I think I would be running to something good and safe. Don't get me wrong, we need people to do this, but something has been on my heart for a while, and I almost feel embarrassed to even admit and talk about it. I guess I just get frustrated with Christians (myself included) when we feel like we have to do our little christian things and that missions is only what we've labled it or has to be done through a mission board. All these people are going on ISP but have they ever spent a weekend doing stuff in in Los Angeles ... L.A. represents one of the biggest most diverse places in the world, the nations are 45 min. away, heck the nations are on our campus. Anyway I mean to say L.A., hollywood in particular are extremely empty. Our culture is thirsting for so much more. Hollywood is the heart of our culture, and we as Christians have run from it and have the audacity to complain about what is shown on t.v. or in the movies. We teach our kids to avoid certain movies instead of teaching them how to observe movies with wisdom and discrection and see past Hollywoods extremely propagandic lies about how we should live for ourselves. Living for ourselves is dead, freedom from self is life. But somewhere along the lines we lost what it means to be salt and light, to be in the world (actively engaged ) and not of it (completely soaked in it, Holy (not pure or more holier than thou) but set apart. I'm convinced if you let Christ's light shine in the dark, people will see it and follow, but I can't do it alone that's for sure, I can't be the only one. To many times i've wrestled with maybe I should do the "Christian thing" and go over seas or teach english or be a humanitarian (which these are not bad if your heart is in the right place, and there is nothing wrong with giving love, the world needs it), but I cannot help to think that America is the biggest mission field, where people are starving for truth, and if we continue to run, which of Christ's disciples will give it to them? I desire to stand where many flee, I desire to enter into the darkness, because our Savior has already won the victory, crushed the head of the serpant under his heal. I expect to go through the darkness, enter into the fire and be delievered. This is something I've painstakingly thought through, one in which I know what to do, but I can't do it alone, and if Christ is not apart of this it is all for nothing.

I've desired for a long time to be involved in the film industry in some way, shape, or form. Trust me I've tried to let this desire die, time and time and time again. I realize that pursuing this might be the most foolish thing ever. I am not naive enough to think that it won't be the most challenging and difficult thing to do, and probably take more than I can give, so I don't consider pursuing this lightly, I know the costs better than most, I've seen the emptyness and I know if I do it alone I'd probably be swallowed up by it, I don't want to do it alone. I hope you were able to follow this letter, hopefully it makes since?

Chained Down

So, I can't sleep ... and it's just been one of those weeks ... It's times like these that make me seriously question the importance of school. I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off, and for what, a peice of paper at the end of it that is supposed to say to society that I'm important now. There's not enough time in the day, and there is no eye to this storm. I hate the feeling of just trying to keep from drowning. I hate that I've accepted mediocrity, and that just getting things done is an accomplishment. I hate my lack luster, half-ass lifestyle. I hate not being focused, and useless. I'm spread so thin that I don't even know who I am anymore ... what i've become is society's monster and pawn, and for what? Don't get me wrong, I love school, I love the people and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I've learned a lot about time management, and priorities ... I'm just sick of this fast paced, uselessness. I need to slow down (not yet because obviously i have to finish), but slow down and produce higher quality efforts, more faithfullness, reliable, consistant. Slowing down doesn't mean becoming more lazy, it means becoming more dilligent, a better steward, more prudent. Sometimes it's okay to say no. I feel like as a christian I'm supposed to be, "open to whatever God has for me." which in a since is true, but it seems like more of a huge trap than anything, which i've fallen headfirst, and blindly into. When God's hand is in something you'll know it, it will be unmistakable ... and more overwhelming than anything I (we) alone could ever work out by ourselves. I guess I just have trouble discerning what my part is in pursuing the things in front of me, and God's faithfulness to provide. I'm so eager to see God move that I follow every red herring and miss Him completely ... To often I buy the lies, follow the status quo, and am too easily decieved ... Luke 17:32 REMEMBER LOT'S WIFE ... There's no in between, it's all or nothing ... being caught in between is a choice by it'self ... I'm sure I could babble on like a little school girl, but I'll refrain

It's Finally Here!

Dear Family,
It's finally here. I've been wanting to make a website for sometime, to give you some sights and images of what is happening here at school. I'll be putting up stuff weekly to keep you guys up to date. This is my effort to keep everyone in tune with what's going on with me, so you and I don't feel so dis-connected.

(Batman at downtown disney, Newport Beach Sailboat, A hallway at beach houses, part of my apartment, A Los Angeles Parking Job, My buddy Zack at the beach, The Metro Subway in downtown L.A., The Cross at the top of a small mountain close by school, and ME).